Title: I Don’t Mind
Author: Am-Chau Yarkona
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not my characters.
Summary: Post-ep for ‘The More I See You’. Hawkeye’s upset.
“I don’t mind that she’s gone, you know,” Hawkeye was repeating. “I really don’t mind.”
The sun had gone down, and Hawkeye was still sitting there, staring into nowhere and claiming that he didn’t mind. He’d simply ignored BJ when it was time to go to dinner, which BJ could understand; now he was ignoring BJ trying to tell him the it was time to go to bed. BJ would have given up, except for the fact that Hawkeye’s repeated pronouncement was keeping him awake.
“Hawkeye,” BJ said gently, and took a deep breath to stop the exasperation from showing through. “Hawk, it’s time to go to sleep.” The dark-haired man was almost curled up as he sat on the cot, hands shoved between his knees, hunched forward as if to wrap himself around the pain. Kneeling in front of him, BJ could look into his eyes and see the tears there.
“Beej…” It wrenched him just to look at his friend like this, and he wished for a moment that the hurt Carlye had done was physical, something he could fix. Instead, he had to be content with letting Hawkeye rest on his shoulder; had to make to with holding his friend as Hawkeye finally wept; and had to hide his longing to kiss it all better, fully aware that a relationship with a married man was unlikely to be something Hawkeye wanted or needed, now or ever.
So he had lied to Hawkeye about never being tempted. So what? He was only tempted by one person; surely the difference between one and zero was small enough that it wasn’t that important.
Besides, Hawkeye wouldn’t care. He didn’t mind about anything, did he?