Title: Love’s Laundry Lists Author: Am-Chau For the SW F-Q-F, based on challenge 66: “If an item of Yoda's clothing could talk, it would say... what?”. Betaed by jedishampoo (with help from sharpeslass). Thanks very much, both of you—excellent work, especially on Master Windu! Summary: Strange goings-on at the Jedi Temple. Even clothes have ears. Of necessity, somewhat silly. Groan. Overworked, I am. Pressed into service again, late at night, I am. Oh, and bored with this twisted grammar. It’s strange, you know? I’m only a dressing gown—a fairly humble bit of kit, though of better quality than usually issued to the Jedi, even if I say so as shouldn’t—but over the years I’ve been with Master Yoda, the speech-patterns have started to affect me. Well, no longer end sentences with prepositions, do I. Anyway, it’s late at night, and I—and Master Yoda—really ought to be resting. But no, Master Yoda is pacing, so I’m not allowed to catch forty winks. Which would be okay in most jobs; I’d simply sleep in the daytime. Here, though—let’s just say that some of Yoda’s socks have very interesting tales to tell, and the robes laugh loudly enough to wake the dead. I’m sorry, I digress. I am only a dressing gown—a best quality hand-woven doolop wool dressing gown from Rattatak—and I’m afraid I’m easily distracted. You would be, too, if you were short of sleep and frankly feeling a little fluffy-headed. Where was I? Ah, yes, now. Master Yoda is pacing up and down his room (working the gimer stick hard, as well, I note; I know I’ll be hearing whispered complaints from her just as soon as Yoda finally gets to sleep), and this is largely because of the actions of one of his former apprentice’s former apprentice’s former apprentice’s former apprentice (and his former master). I think that’s the right number of former apprentices. Both Master Yoda and I are well matured, if not actually aged, and while our minds are as sharp as ever, I fear I was never the brightest clothing in the closet. Not that I am ever in the closet for long, of course; Master Yoda likes to keep me near to hand, draped over the back of a chair, so as to save effort at the end of a long day. Closets, surprisingly, are closer to the subject at hand—the cause of Master Yoda’s sleeplessness—than you might think. They came into a rather heated discussion earlier between Master Yoda and Master Windu, who had popped in for a private chat before bed. Master Yoda had been reading, comfortably snuggled in me—his favourite dressing gown, not least because I’m high-grade Rattatak wool which was harvested fresh from the doolops while the dew was still on their noses—when Master Windu came in (mug of warm milk in hand) for a quiet talk about something which was clearly bothering him. Now, I’m afraid that while I’ve a fair understanding of Master Yoda’s habits, the practises of humans are by-and-large mysterious to me; I wasn’t, after all, designed to fit them. However, this is the situation as I gathered it from their conversation. There’s a lot of complicated history—all those apprentices—which I haven’t quite sorted out. The point is that by some obscure means, Master Yoda is the closest remaining tutor of Master Kenobi, who is, if not central to, then at least involved in this problem. Master Kenobi, Master Windu was quite clear, has never hidden in a closet. I think this must be some kind of training exercise or human ritual, as Master Windu seemed to be of the opinion that Master Kenobi should have hidden in a closet, at least for a while. Master Kenobi’s former apprentice, Knight Skywalker, has, however, been hiding in a closet for some years. (I have to say, this puzzles me; I guess somebody must have known where he was, and brought him some food from time to time. Perhaps that was one of Master Kenobi’s duties.) I don’t think Master Windu was entirely happy with the idea that Knight Skywalker had been hiding in this way for so long, either, so perhaps this is a ritual with some kind of time limit on it. No matter. The upshot of all this is that now Knight Skywalker is no longer in the closet—apparently he stepped out of it into the Council Chamber this morning—and Master Kenobi isn’t either. As far as I can tell, neither is Master Windu, and I know Master Yoda never gets in the closet with us, so I’m not sure about the importance of this, but they spoke about Knight Skywalker’s coming out of the closet at some length, so it must be significant in some way or other. But I’ve lost the thread again. I think I was saying that now neither of them were in the closet, Master Windu thought that they would do something—he refused to say what—together. Master Yoda assured him that they wouldn’t, that (and this phrase really confuses me) “love like brothers, they do”, and that while it might not all be good, it isn’t nearly as bad as Master Windu fears. Master Windu said, and I quote exactly, that “their improper inclinations will be all over the planet in no time, never mind the Temple, and it will bring us the prurient attention of the press.” Master Yoda countered by saying that so long as they hadn’t given in to passion (really, I don’t see how this links; unless some humans have unnatural passions for standing in wardrobes?), they had brought no shame to the Temple, and they would be allowed to continue in their duties. Furthermore, he said that Master Windu ought “some meditation do, on your own desires”, and perhaps he would see that Knight Skywalker was in his own way being brave. At that, Master Windu stood up—in his haste, he spilt his warm milk on the floor—and prepared to leave. He did pause to say that he had always known that Master Kenobi was courageous, but that he thought Knight Skywalker’s “flirting in full view of the Council” was foolhardy. When Master Windu had shut the door, Master Yoda muttered after him to the general effect that while he’d been unsure about Anakin as a boy, it was a very fine thing to see young lovers enjoying themselves from time to time. I think that must mean that this hiding-in-closets thing is part of a game as well as a ritual—perhaps it’s related to this ‘hide and seek’ thing of which I’ve heard. And by ‘lovers’, he must have meant ‘people who love hiding in closets’. I suppose I might get some more details the next time I go down to the laundry. I know just where to find Master Kenobi’s robe—bundled up together with Knight Skywalker’s underwear. Stories Index